my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
