I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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