I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
