it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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