this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
