nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
