Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
