Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
