i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
