How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
