69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
