here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
