i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
