i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
