There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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