"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
