Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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