That's intense
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
