My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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