I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
