guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
