Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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