We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
