I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
