Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
