what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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