once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
