you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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