is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
is wine microwaveable?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
