I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
