My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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