I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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