I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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