i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
