You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
