i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
