There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
