Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
