Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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