pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
