SEEEEXXX PLEASE
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
