do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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