Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
