She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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