How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
