She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
