who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
