So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
