girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
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