Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
