just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
