im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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