The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
