Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
